Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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