I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
