And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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