ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
