I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
