Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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