I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
