I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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