Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
