Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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