the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
