The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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