i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
