just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
