Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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