just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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