She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
