Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
