So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
