not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
