you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
