I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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