You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
