thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
