I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
