I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall