Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  to do: lose virginity to hamster dance

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  (617): to do: lose virginity to hamster dance http://tfl.nu/0r0s
  Replies (25) Good night (1016) Bad night (2563)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.

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  (610): He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab. http://tfl.nu/orgb
  Replies (51) Good night (6556) Bad night (1102)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs

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  (516): I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs http://tfl.nu/s3ms
  Replies (19) Good night (4967) Bad night (1294)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia

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  (205): Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia http://tfl.nu/0tpw
  Replies (28) Good night (6188) Bad night (1833)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.

  (949): View more from California

  she's my drunk super hero.

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  (219): you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds. (949): she's my drunk super hero. http://tfl.nu/ngha
  Replies (17) Good night (5671) Bad night (1231)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating

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  (516): Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating http://tfl.nu/ijjp
  Replies (12) Good night (2434) Bad night (891)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.

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  (518): Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs. http://tfl.nu/lvji
  Replies (2) Good night (1316) Bad night (600)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.

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  (631): I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again. http://tfl.nu/8i97
  Replies (4) Good night (1791) Bad night (530)
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  (842): View more from

  we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone

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  (842): we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone http://tfl.nu/yvho
  Replies (11) Good night (2409) Bad night (879)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.

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  (618): I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion. http://tfl.nu/gnl9
  Replies (5) Good night (491) Bad night (617)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?

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  (613): I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night? http://tfl.nu/khmv
  Replies (5) Good night (676) Bad night (503)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day

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  (813): Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day http://tfl.nu/x25b
  Replies (4) Good night (281) Bad night (674)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there

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  (416): I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there http://tfl.nu/n5pg
  Replies (9) Good night (720) Bad night (314)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS

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  (306): he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS http://tfl.nu/n1yt
  Replies (5) Good night (430) Bad night (576)
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  (716): View more from New York

  tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"

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  (716): tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered" http://tfl.nu/w7hl
  Replies (0) Good night (489) Bad night (234)

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