we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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