cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
