Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(661): View more from California

i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.

Fav 12 2876 1140
share tweet
(860): View more from Connecticut

You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"

Fav 17 6238 1050
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(732): View more from New Jersey

he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.

Fav 34 18553 1205
share tweet
(705): View more from Ontario

Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.

Fav 11 4806 1559
share tweet
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(815): View more from Illinois

I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night

Fav 5 1344 2644
share tweet
(617): View more from Massachusetts

we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.

Fav 4 2092 1617
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(813): View more from Florida

obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.

Fav 0 815 1578
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(251): View more from Alabama

Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.

Fav 3 876 532
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(719): View more from Colorado

Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.

Fav 0 119 31
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT