In the future we'll all be gay
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.