I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
