I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
