i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
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I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
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WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.