I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
