so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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