Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
