haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
