Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
