i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
