Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
