It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
