He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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