I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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