his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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