i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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