I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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