Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
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