this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
