I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
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I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
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Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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