U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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