I think i sorta joined a cult last night
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
