I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
