she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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