Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
