so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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