I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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