Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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