3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
