he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
