HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
