i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas