Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.

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(206): It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts. http://tfl.nu/etp3

Replies (1) Good night (893) Bad night (1080)
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(216): View more from Ohio

when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account

(1-216): View more from Ohio

damn...impressive bar tab

(216): View more from Ohio

no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer

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(216): when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account (1-216): damn...impressive bar tab (216): no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer http://tfl.nu/hyvf

Replies (13) Good night (1393) Bad night (2099)
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(850): View more from Florida

hey. who tried to drive me home last night?

(904): View more from Florida

not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?

(850): View more from Florida

i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.

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(850): hey. who tried to drive me home last night? (904): not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"? (850): i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants. http://tfl.nu/wk6x

Replies (33) Good night (21937) Bad night (2340)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had

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(608): Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had http://tfl.nu/zigv

Replies (25) Good night (3978) Bad night (716)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it

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(604): Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it http://tfl.nu/jw4z

Replies (13) Good night (982) Bad night (4133)
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(810): View more from Michigan

The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.

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(810): The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion. http://tfl.nu/bsvq

Replies (15) Good night (5503) Bad night (991)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.

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(781): I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house. http://tfl.nu/8emi

Replies (13) Good night (6046) Bad night (1691)
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(309): View more from Illinois

I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time

(1-309): View more from Illinois

I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating

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(309): I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time (1-309): I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating http://tfl.nu/74eg

Replies (21) Good night (5105) Bad night (1435)
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(801): View more from Utah

Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.

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(801): Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with. http://tfl.nu/sran

Replies (13) Good night (2294) Bad night (3350)
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(404): View more from Georgia

The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"

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(404): The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class" http://tfl.nu/r5he

Replies (4) Good night (2335) Bad night (1073)
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(937): View more from Ohio

We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.

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(937): We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you. http://tfl.nu/h5o1

Replies (12) Good night (1319) Bad night (1092)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.

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(610): I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work. http://tfl.nu/9c2o

Replies (1) Good night (440) Bad night (749)
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(785): View more from Kansas

Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..

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(785): Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom.. http://tfl.nu/34oi

Replies (1) Good night (340) Bad night (500)
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(419): View more from Ohio

Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.

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(419): Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know. http://tfl.nu/qfoz

Replies (5) Good night (555) Bad night (362)
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(360): View more from Washington

I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks

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(360): I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks http://tfl.nu/lhl6

Replies (1) Good night (788) Bad night (219)

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