Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.