I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
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dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
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It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you