from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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