Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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