Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
