Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
be right there i have to get my cape
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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