I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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