so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
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Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
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It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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