I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
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my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
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You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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