nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
