i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
