I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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