I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
