connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
