I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
As shirtless as possible
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My breath smells like gin and sadness
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
