My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
