Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
you never un-have a 4some
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
