Duck Duck Cougar?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
