He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
