In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
