PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize