Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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