She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
