i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
