I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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